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| Parlow, Jeske, Kelm, Patterson. The same Church and Changer names keep coming up. |
http://shatteredpulpit.blogspot.com/2014/10/a-word-from-lillians-safe-pastor.html
Wednesday, October 1, 2014
A Word from Lillian's Safe Pastor
Lillian is a real person. I first met her about a year ago when she worshiped with our congregation for a number of weeks. She always slipped quickly out of the narthex after church. I didn't have a chance to shake her hand. That was okay, I figured. She kept coming back to worship.
Eventually she contacted me via email. All I knew then was that she was a former WELS member who was trying to find her way spiritually. She wanted to please God, but I soon found out that she didn't know quite how to do it.
When finally we had a chance to meet face to face and have a discussion, Lillian began to slowly peel back the reasons why she and her family had left a local WELS congregation. But after a number of times together, and the more she began to trust me, Lillian poured out from her soul a story too vile to make up. It was a story of betrayal by a veteran pastor. It was a story of how this pastor had taken advantage of his position of authority to groom a hurting woman to feed his overwhelming need for sex. And all the while, as this woman starved for God's forgiveness, the pastor kept telling her that her only way to find relief from stress and trouble was in his arms.
Throughout the many times Lillian and I met those first months, I was taken aback each time she was amazed that I answered her questions and counseled her by taking hold of the Bible on my desk and reading directly to her from God's Word. "That's what I always wanted him to do," she would say referring to the pastor who had abused her. "But all he ever did was tell me that only he, and not God, could relieve my stress. And he did it his way."
What I'm now about to tell you may answer the questions of those who haven't read all of Lillian's posts on this blog, or those who even now doubt the veracity of her story. When Lillian seemed stable in her relationship with me as a pastor, I encouraged her to speak with the district president of our WELS district. She agreed to do so, and because she trusted me as much as she did, she even allowed a second member of district leadership to be present.
There were several reasons why I wanted her to speak with these men. First, they needed to know that such a thing had happened in their midst over the course of a decade and a half. Secondly, I wanted them to know who the abusive man was, so they could assure Lillian that he would never again receive CRM status in our synod. You see, this man had resigned from the ministry a number of years ago. I did indeed know the offender, though not very well. He is still in our area and attending a WELS church served by a man who has been a friend of his since their college days. I'm not sure what if anything he's told his pastor/friend about his "secret life."
Lillian began to write Shattered Pulpit as a way for her to express her feelings. She was surprised by how many people became interested in "her little blog." It's become a source of empowerment for her as she receives correspondence from a number of WELS pastors and laypeople. She's touched when other victims of abuse reach out to her. And because of the caring woman she truly is, she wants to help each and every one of them.
That's what has led to Lillian asking "Jane" to share her story on Shattered Pulpit. After corresponding with Jane over a number of weeks, it became apparent to Lillian that Jane hadn't the same opportunity as she to "tell her side of the story." Doing so, Lillian thought, might also help Jane heal from her wounds and empower her to rise above her situation. And maybe--just maybe--people all over the WELS would understand the injustice that had taken place so publicly, yet so silently, during the course of the past year.
Lillian's empowerment is becoming a burden to her. She wants to be a leader, but is realizing that leadership brings with it many responsibilities and even difficulties. Lillian wants to help each and every victim who writes her, but then she realizes that each victim's story drags her back into the muck and mire of her own troubling past. And she still has not recovered fully from her past troubles.
Lillian wishes to help district and synodical leaders fully understand what victims of clergy sexual abuse need, as well as help them know just how many women have been abused and need help. Yet, Lillian is now all too well aware that some synod leaders don't see her as helpful. And despite the fact that she is no longer a WELS member, she still has extended family members who are quite involved in the WELS. That's why she fears emails from leaders that seem less that supportive.
So, where does this leave Lillian now?
Well, she's physically, emotionally, and spiritually tired. She's trying to be so much to so many that she really wants to close up the Shattered Pulpit blog altogether. Yet, deep down, I know that she does want to continue her fight to overcome her own abuse and help others do the same. All the while, "this little blog of hers" could very well be a turning point in how we in the WELS view, discuss, and correct clergy sexual abuse among us.
Lillian has accepted my offer to take some of the burden off of her for now by helping her administer Shattered Pulpit. I hope you understand if she is slow to respond to some of your correspondences. If she doesn't post for some time, please know that she hasn't given up. She simply needs some time to regroup and recharge.
As her safe pastor I do all I can to encourage her in the study of God's Word. Still, I know that undue pressure will only lead her further from me and her God. So, I support her in her recovery and pray for her best. I'm sure you do the same.
When finally we had a chance to meet face to face and have a discussion, Lillian began to slowly peel back the reasons why she and her family had left a local WELS congregation. But after a number of times together, and the more she began to trust me, Lillian poured out from her soul a story too vile to make up. It was a story of betrayal by a veteran pastor. It was a story of how this pastor had taken advantage of his position of authority to groom a hurting woman to feed his overwhelming need for sex. And all the while, as this woman starved for God's forgiveness, the pastor kept telling her that her only way to find relief from stress and trouble was in his arms.
Throughout the many times Lillian and I met those first months, I was taken aback each time she was amazed that I answered her questions and counseled her by taking hold of the Bible on my desk and reading directly to her from God's Word. "That's what I always wanted him to do," she would say referring to the pastor who had abused her. "But all he ever did was tell me that only he, and not God, could relieve my stress. And he did it his way."
What I'm now about to tell you may answer the questions of those who haven't read all of Lillian's posts on this blog, or those who even now doubt the veracity of her story. When Lillian seemed stable in her relationship with me as a pastor, I encouraged her to speak with the district president of our WELS district. She agreed to do so, and because she trusted me as much as she did, she even allowed a second member of district leadership to be present.
There were several reasons why I wanted her to speak with these men. First, they needed to know that such a thing had happened in their midst over the course of a decade and a half. Secondly, I wanted them to know who the abusive man was, so they could assure Lillian that he would never again receive CRM status in our synod. You see, this man had resigned from the ministry a number of years ago. I did indeed know the offender, though not very well. He is still in our area and attending a WELS church served by a man who has been a friend of his since their college days. I'm not sure what if anything he's told his pastor/friend about his "secret life."
Lillian began to write Shattered Pulpit as a way for her to express her feelings. She was surprised by how many people became interested in "her little blog." It's become a source of empowerment for her as she receives correspondence from a number of WELS pastors and laypeople. She's touched when other victims of abuse reach out to her. And because of the caring woman she truly is, she wants to help each and every one of them.
That's what has led to Lillian asking "Jane" to share her story on Shattered Pulpit. After corresponding with Jane over a number of weeks, it became apparent to Lillian that Jane hadn't the same opportunity as she to "tell her side of the story." Doing so, Lillian thought, might also help Jane heal from her wounds and empower her to rise above her situation. And maybe--just maybe--people all over the WELS would understand the injustice that had taken place so publicly, yet so silently, during the course of the past year.
Lillian's empowerment is becoming a burden to her. She wants to be a leader, but is realizing that leadership brings with it many responsibilities and even difficulties. Lillian wants to help each and every victim who writes her, but then she realizes that each victim's story drags her back into the muck and mire of her own troubling past. And she still has not recovered fully from her past troubles.
Lillian wishes to help district and synodical leaders fully understand what victims of clergy sexual abuse need, as well as help them know just how many women have been abused and need help. Yet, Lillian is now all too well aware that some synod leaders don't see her as helpful. And despite the fact that she is no longer a WELS member, she still has extended family members who are quite involved in the WELS. That's why she fears emails from leaders that seem less that supportive.
So, where does this leave Lillian now?
Well, she's physically, emotionally, and spiritually tired. She's trying to be so much to so many that she really wants to close up the Shattered Pulpit blog altogether. Yet, deep down, I know that she does want to continue her fight to overcome her own abuse and help others do the same. All the while, "this little blog of hers" could very well be a turning point in how we in the WELS view, discuss, and correct clergy sexual abuse among us.
Lillian has accepted my offer to take some of the burden off of her for now by helping her administer Shattered Pulpit. I hope you understand if she is slow to respond to some of your correspondences. If she doesn't post for some time, please know that she hasn't given up. She simply needs some time to regroup and recharge.
As her safe pastor I do all I can to encourage her in the study of God's Word. Still, I know that undue pressure will only lead her further from me and her God. So, I support her in her recovery and pray for her best. I'm sure you do the same.
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